Footing the Billadelphia - Trash Tax

Do we even need to talk about this? Because I'd rather not. By now I'm sure you've heard about the city's (thankfully) ditched idea to start charging residents to have their trash collected, but if you haven't Ronnie P's Tuesday column in the Daily News pretty much sums up the head-explodey.

I was under the impression that all those city taxes I pay were supporting my weekly trash collection. And a per-bag fee? Are you KIDDING me? Because it isn't bad enough my dumb-ass neighbor left A COUCH ON MY STOOP for 2 weeks until I finally had to put it out with the trash myself?

Okay, who even does that? If you had a spare couch you needed to get rid of, would your first thought be to just push it up against your next door neighbors' house and forget about it? Anybody? Anybody. Seriously.

Oh, the little joys of living in the city. But anyway, re: the mayor's latest dumbass idea, here are a couple things I'm not even going to bother discussing, that's how painfully obvious it is that a trash fee is ridiculous:

1) The city doesn't provide sanitation services good enough that I would pay for them even if I didn't get them for free in the first place. (How about collecting trash TWICE a week in a city with more than a million people? I mean, they JUST started collecting recyclables once a week, so after 2 years my kitchen will finally not be overflowing with soda and wine bottles for 10 days at a time. Why don't you focus on providing a service that anyone in their right mind would ever choose to pay for?)
2) The already-rampant illegal dumping problems in Philly. (Because a trash tax is bound to improve THAT whole situation.)

All right, so I discussed them a little. It's 7am and I've been awake for 4 hours, so don't hold me responsible for anything I say. In fact, you should probably just follow that rule in general. Less zombie-like posts to follow. But in conclusion:

Dear Next Door Neighbor,

A couch? On my stoop? For two weeks? Are you kidding me? Are you f*cking kidding me.

Sincerely,

Don Bito

P.S. I will smash your face into a jelly.